To all the Moms of the World!

Since today is mother's day, I believed it was only necessary that I dedicate a post, firstly to my mom, then secondly to all the other moms of the world.  I would like to say thank you for all the sacrifices you make on behalf of your idiotic children.  Children everywhere have a wonderful talent for pursuing the utmost destructive course in life as fast and as carefree as possible.  Few things can stand in their way and successfully stop their course of world destruction as effectively as the mom.

Children work tirelessly from their day of birth to annihilate themselves.  My brother started even earlier.  He conveniently wrapped his umbilical cord around his neck.  Luckily my mom was able to nurse him back to health after such a rough start, and admittedly with the help of advanced technology.  Perhaps they should have a tech day as well, to reward tech for saving our babies from their likely demise that was oh too common a hundred years ago and beyond. Yet I digress, let's continue.  Moms have been given the gift and curse of raising little whipper snappers, and they have so far succeeded, for there wouldn't be any whipper snappers if moms did not do their jobs, especially the first few years after a baby is born.  The baby is literally incapable of living without their mom, and amazingly, the moms put up with these whiny needy appendages that literally suck nutrients out of their mom's...you get the idea. 

Then there comes the young Oliver Twist years.  These are the years the child is capable of some tasks physically and mentally but is still largely in need of his mommy.  Luckily, not every child has to live like Oliver and not have a mom, for moms have stood up to the challenge of even raising these vile little demons.  There is good reason the man explodes when Oliver asks for more food, for behind the innocent needy face is a demon, a demon of sinister proportions.  It is the mom's task at this stage of development to exorcise this demon from the poor child.  It will be a long and dire struggle, yet in the end, the child will have no choice but to let go.

Unfortunately, even after exorcising demons, there is yet more work to do.  Their child will then enter the angsty teenager stage of life, at least in developed countries.  In undeveloped countries, these "angsty" teenagers will be forced to actually grow up, and will have to actually work hard day to day to survive.  Since in the peripheries of civilization children simply do not have the luxury to be idiots.  Unfortunately, in America and elsewhere, pubescent younglings have that luxury, and they latch onto it for dear life.  They will beg the mom to "give us free," yet they don't really mean it, for at the end of the day they still want to rely on her paycheck.  The mom puts up with it, knowing that she was the same way when she was their age, and quietly hopes to steer them along a good path and channel their energy into productive channels that will aid them later in life.  The mom has the best for her angsty teenagers in mind, while the teenager seems to have nothing else on his mind but self-annihilation.  Things have changed little for the mom or her offspring since the early days of crying appendages.

Blessed be the mom that makes it this far, and surprisingly, most moms do! They see their children grow up into adults, that can more or less function on their own. (If they can't then, they will learn to shortly) She now can release herself of her massive obligations to her child and settle down to drink piña coladas in the hot summer sun.  She can take pride in her massive investment, and hope that it yields equally massive dividends for her when the relationship flips on its head.  The cycle of life goes on, with moms pushing civilization forward.  Forever onward moms of the world! Go and save the world!